Judge not lest thou be judged...

I was checking Marlo Girl's blog yesterday and I saw an irate blogger who left a strong comment about the state of MG's morality. The anonymous blogger was going on about MG being morally bankrupt and depraved and ray, ray, ray.

Not only is MG lacking morals, anyone who reads her love blog and doesn't burn her at the stake is morally depraved as well.

Maybe I should rewind for a quick second.

MG has a love blog that chronicles some situations she finds herself in and some situations she's been in in the past. Personally, I think it's great -- fresh writing, interesting take on love and relationships and well-written. There is nothing graphic or distasteful... I wouldn't tell my mom to read it, but I don't see too many folks having coniptions over it. It's a discussion about love and male/female relationships the way she sees it.

So, this anonymous blogger had beef with what Marlo wrote and proceded to ream her out.

I was annoyed about what this anonymous blogger said. Maybe I was vexed because he/she thought I was depraved as well. Maybe it's because I know Marlo and she's not depraved.

I mean, I may not agree or understand everything she does and she probably doesn't agree or understand everything I do, but I don't have to understand the way she lives her life. God gave us all free will to make our decisions and live our lives the way we see fit.

I don't know the context of the stories she tells, so how can I make a correct judgment or assumption?

Besides, is it really my place to judge? Yes, wrong is wrong and right is right -- but only within context. In context, Karla Homolka is depraved.

Marlo? Nah.

So, while I may not understand all the things others do, I must respect their right to handle their lives how they see fit.

If my opinion is asked, I'll give it. If no one asks what I think, then I hush my mouth. Yes, I understand a blog is there to be commented upon, but I really wonder what someone thinks they're doing by verbally abusing someone who's writing their thoughts?

Shame them into stopping whatever it is that they're doing?

What they are going to do is become defensive and look at you like you're a fool.

Look, none of us are perfect -- the only perfect person to walk the earth was Jesus.

Your dirt may not be the same dirt, it may have nothing to do with relationships. Your dirt may be that you're judgmental. Or mean-spirited. Or petty, vindictive, a liar, not trustworthy, etc. You may be embezzling money from your job. You may abuse you girlfriend/boyfriend/child or you don't give a damn about people starving around the world because your belly is full.

And because you don't expose your life in a blog doesn't mean that you aren't morally bankrupt.
Your stuff is just undercover.

Breakdown - Mariah Carey

I'm feeling stressed, y'all.

I know my father's doing fine. He's comfortably ensconced in a rehabilitation centre to help him regain strength and movement, but, dang, I wish I was there with him.

I feel kinda helpless in this situation. I mean, there are things I can do: pay some bills, offer my mother moral support, pray... but because I'm well far away, I feel like I can't do a dayum thing.

Last night, my mom told me my father lost a lot of weight. Pops isn't the biggest dude out there, so any weight loss is significant. I guess that's why I'm feeling a little bit on edge and freaked out.

That, and the fact that I haven't spoken to him since Tuesday.

Wednesday morning, he left the hospital and made the trek out to Laval. That in itself is stressful, 'cause my mother can't drive and it took her and my aunt three hours to get home Wednesday afternoon.

Poor Mom was all tired out by the time I called her last night.

I don't want her to overdo it either. My mother isn't a young woman. She's gotta take care of herself and get some rest.

One of the good things about the rehab centre is that because Pops is going to be doing so much physio, Mom won't be able to sit around the hospital and worry. And I know my mother can worry. And my aunt from Barbados is in town for five more weeks, so my mother can't fall into any worried, miserable state.

I just wish I wasn't so far away.

That way, I could do the three hour trek with Mom. Or I could try my luck driving into Laval (once we got the car's brakes fixed). I could make sure that they're both eating and I could see for myself how my father is progressing.

But, I have to leave it in God's hands because that's all I can do.

I read last night: "Be still and know that I am God" from Psalm 46 -- and it did calm me down. In the middle of all this confusion in my soul and this stress, God knows what He's doing. I just have to 'be still and know'.

I'm trying not to worry.

I will keep on praying.

I really just want my daddy at home working in the garden with my mom.

But, I'm going to continue to 'be still'.

It's been a long time...

I shouldn't have left you, without a dope blog to read through :) That's my take on Aaliyah's Try Again -- remember Timbaland's part at the beginning? You would think I was a huge Aaliyah fan... not so much ;)

Life has been interesting.

Trying at some points. Very cool for the most part.

A lot has happened in the past four weeks and it's made me think. I wrote a blog on my regular blog page called 'What about your friends?' It was about a friend I once had and the demise of that friendship.

Writing the blog, I didn't think she was going to read it because I hadn't heard from her in five years. So, I wrote what I wanted to write -- not really thinking anything of her reading it.

Well, you know when you don't think of something that's exactly what happens.

I got an irate email from this young woman a couple of days after I sent out my reminder email. The girl proceeded to cuss me out.

I was shocked.

I mean, I didn't know where she was or what she was doing, so I had no reason to believe that she was reading my words. She never emailed or commented as far as I knew.

I got pissed off. I hadn't heard from her -- I didn't have a phone number or email address to try to reach her with. She had moved and never passed on her contact information. But she had my information and didn't feel the need to use it until she wanted to cuss me out.

That annoyed the heck out of me. I don't owe her anything -- I don't think I do. Besides, my blog is where I can express myself and my feelings without judgment. Yes, in a way it is a public forum -- especially if I'm sending out emails telling people that there's new information, but it's private in that, I'm not naming names. Everyone has a pseudonym 'cause I don't think it would be fair to expose someone and the person doesn't have the opportunity to defend his/herself.

Friendships are truly for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Our friendship was for a season and now it's done. Am I sad? Surprisingly, no. The friendship was finished a long time ago when I realized that I was trying to keep the friendship alive. I'm relieved, 'cause there has been closure, something that I hadn't had in a long time.

4-Page Letter - Aaliyah

I'm happy.

Late last night I finished writing my book. And it's a lot more than four pages, believe me.

Praise God for giving me the strength to get that story out of me. I have so many stories inside of me that want to get out. But life, work and writers' block can sometimes get the best of me.

Now, it's time to type out the last bunch of chapters and start the editing process. Hopefully, someone will want to publish it.

But, if not, I'm happy just knowing that after how many years, I've completed my first novel from cover to cover.

Hallelujah.

Thank you, Father :)

No More Drama - Mary J. Blige

[Ed. note - naming blog entries after songs will be a running theme for Gracefully Ghetto. Actually, I'm hoping that these entries will help me with something greater. I gots big plans.]

I am convinced that some of my female friends like drama. I have some girlfriends who seem happier -- or, at least, more content -- when they are embroiled in some kind of dramatic situation.

A number have man drama -- some have work related drama. Now, a little drama should be expected in everyone's life. If there isn't any drama, life is just DRY. So, drama is the spice of life, but if it's too spicy, it can be hectic.

Personally, the less drama I have in my life, the better. I remember wanting a drama-filled life like my girls -- numerous relationship issues, leading me to bawl on their shoulders.

Hmmph, not today. I'm quite content with B.'s and my comfortable, fun relationship.

I guess some folks would call that boring, but really, how long can sparks fly? How long can drama keep a relationship fresh? How spicy does that jerk chicken have to be before it stops being tasty and starts burning like a mofo?

Some women can't be in a relationship sans drama, pain and heartache -- pretty much, Mary J. Blige's My Life CD. Great CD, but, Lord, Mary could have done with some relationship counseling. For sane women, I'm convinced, that would become tedious. How many nights should we stay up bickering? How long should I worry about him cheating on me or beating me? How many hours should I cuss out his tail because I can't depend on him.

Example, summer 2003, I was getting to know a young man at work (who I saw today and he couldn't even turn his had to say 'dog, whassup?') and just our daily talks/phone calls/instant messaging had become enormously difficult because he was and is a drama queen. Or king (he'd be offended by the 'queen' reference).

He was. And is.

One of the main reasons I decided to let that one get away was his love of antics. Our burgeoning relationship was too much work -- I had to coddle his 6 ft tall tail constantly and I'm not about that.

I would slam down the phone after cussing him out. He would cuss me by IM and jump offline. My sister and I would have conferences about him being an ass at my desk. My former co-worker would weigh in with his two cents. My buddy would comment about relationships.

[INSERT SUCKING OF TEETH]

DRAMA.

By July, I couldn't be bothered. I told him we were better off just being friends. That led to even MORE drama. Why would anyone enjoy that? Or feel like they're in a relationship because it's a non-stop saga. My life felt like the Black version of The Young and The Restless.

And that couldn't go on.

Drama sucks the life out of you and out of any burgeoning relationship -- romantic relationships, friendships or work relationships. Drama and sagas are outlets for emotional vampires who need to be staked through their hearts... not literally, figuratively.

Sheesh.

Lovers' Ghetto - Angie Stone

Something's a meant for public blogging -- jokes, observations, social commentary. They are meant to be in the public realm where others can feel free to read and comment. Other things, well, some other things are meant to be kept for yourself.

Last night, I wanted to start writing a journal again, after donkey years of silence. I was writing other things -- writing for work, writing my book -- writing journal entries just seemed like it would take forever and keep me from doing other things that I wanted to do.

My public blog was supposed to be a place where I could truly rant... but once other people visit and read my thoughts -- people I know who may be offended 'cause I had to cuss 'em out virtually -- it because less and less where I could vent and more a place where I put comments for public consumption.

I guess hanging out with the girls -- and a WHOLE lot of other stuff -- has made me pensive.

Toni wants to pressure me into telling her if my boyfriend is the one. THE ONE. Heck, I don't know if he's the one. I think he may be, but that's something I'm trying to figure out for myself.

After having my heart broken over little juvenile things -- read my journals from my early 20s -- I REFUSE to fall completely and utterly... No, that's not true. I REFUSE to make a public declaration of my feelings before I share them with my boyfriend. Before I even know really how I'm feeling. I've never been in love -- how do I know this is love? This is not a group thing, as Toni would like to think. She can't be involved in my feelings or my discussions with the boyfriend (it took me a good month or so to get comfortable callin' him that). But Toni doesn't know how to back off and let a sister breathe. I was also told 'you need to have a discussion about marriage!'

Whoa! I'm happy. He's happy. When the time is right for that discussion, it'll happen. The biggest mistake women make is trying to rush and force a situation to happen instead of letting things happen when they're ready. I'm not saying, don't say nothing and hopefully one day, he'll bring up the topic of marriage. But once you start haranguing to man/woman to make a commitment, it ain't going to happen. A couple should come to that decision together...

But then, when I do bring the knowledge like that, I'm told I'm a young'un and wait until I'm older and my outlook will change. Ladies, it's a state of mind. You have to prepare yourself for the fact that, a lot of Black women don't get married. And that doesn't mean life is done. It just means a different path for you.

But I digress...

Everyone has me married off, which isn't a bad thing. But I'm NOT MARRIED YET. If things continue the way they are, I can see it happening, but as far as I'm concerned, nothing's for sure until the ring's on my finger and I see him at the end of the aisle. Call me careful if you want, but over the past year and a half, I've seen so many relationships breakdown and marriages end because people didn't use their heads. Just thinking with their hearts.

Some other folks have just pretty much stopped inviting me anywhere because 'you guys are pretty much married!'

Huh? We don't live together. There is NO ring on my finger. How can I be pretty much married? We aren't together all the time... I make plenty of time of my girls as well as for him. As if that should matter anyway. Even if I were married, don't people know I would still want to hang out with my friends? Go shopping, go out for dinner, just hang out and talk foolishness? Yes, I may not be able to do it as frequently, but your girlfriends are so important.

It's just frustrating. I wonder what will happen if I ever do get married. Lawd, I'll never see have of my female friends again. And another set would be trying to decide whether or not I should get pregnant.

Sigh.