Something's a meant for public blogging -- jokes, observations, social commentary. They are meant to be in the public realm where others can feel free to read and comment. Other things, well, some other things are meant to be kept for yourself.
Last night, I wanted to start writing a journal again, after donkey years of silence. I was writing other things -- writing for work, writing my book -- writing journal entries just seemed like it would take forever and keep me from doing other things that I wanted to do.
My public blog was supposed to be a place where I could truly rant... but once other people visit and read my thoughts -- people I know who may be offended 'cause I had to cuss 'em out virtually -- it because less and less where I could vent and more a place where I put comments for public consumption.
I guess hanging out with the girls -- and a WHOLE lot of other stuff -- has made me pensive.
Toni wants to pressure me into telling her if my boyfriend is the one. THE ONE. Heck, I don't know if he's the one. I think he may be, but that's something I'm trying to figure out for myself.
After having my heart broken over little juvenile things -- read my journals from my early 20s -- I REFUSE to fall completely and utterly... No, that's not true. I REFUSE to make a public declaration of my feelings before I share them with my boyfriend. Before I even know really how I'm feeling. I've never been in love -- how do I know this is love? This is not a group thing, as Toni would like to think. She can't be involved in my feelings or my discussions with the boyfriend (it took me a good month or so to get comfortable callin' him that). But Toni doesn't know how to back off and let a sister breathe. I was also told 'you need to have a discussion about marriage!'
Whoa! I'm happy. He's happy. When the time is right for that discussion, it'll happen. The biggest mistake women make is trying to rush and force a situation to happen instead of letting things happen when they're ready. I'm not saying, don't say nothing and hopefully one day, he'll bring up the topic of marriage. But once you start haranguing to man/woman to make a commitment, it ain't going to happen. A couple should come to that decision together...
But then, when I do bring the knowledge like that, I'm told I'm a young'un and wait until I'm older and my outlook will change. Ladies, it's a state of mind. You have to prepare yourself for the fact that, a lot of Black women don't get married. And that doesn't mean life is done. It just means a different path for you.
But I digress...
Everyone has me married off, which isn't a bad thing. But I'm NOT MARRIED YET. If things continue the way they are, I can see it happening, but as far as I'm concerned, nothing's for sure until the ring's on my finger and I see him at the end of the aisle. Call me careful if you want, but over the past year and a half, I've seen so many relationships breakdown and marriages end because people didn't use their heads. Just thinking with their hearts.
Some other folks have just pretty much stopped inviting me anywhere because 'you guys are pretty much married!' Huh? We don't live together. There is NO ring on my finger. How can I be pretty much married? We aren't together all the time... I make plenty of time of my girls as well as for him. As if that should matter anyway. Even if I were married, don't people know I would still want to hang out with my friends? Go shopping, go out for dinner, just hang out and talk foolishness? Yes, I may not be able to do it as frequently, but your girlfriends are so important.
It's just frustrating. I wonder what will happen if I ever do get married. Lawd, I'll never see have of my female friends again. And another set would be trying to decide whether or not I should get pregnant.
Sigh.
